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How to be a Terrible Coworker

I wrote this when I was frustrated at my last job in retail months ago. Enjoy.

  • Leave without telling anyone where you’re going.
  • Insist that something doesn’t need doing. Then when your coworker does it because you refused to, say ‘I would have done that.’
  • Leave half-finished projects out with no explanation or apology.
  • Especially if you’re the last shift, leave for the day without telling your coworker, and bonus points for not helping to put away any of the tools used or products that were being worked on.
  • If not told exactly what to do each minute, stand around. There couldn’t possibly be anything else to do.
  • Watch something fall to floor, then keep walking.
  • Don’t listen to requests from female coworkers because they happen to be female and you’re a man. How dare they tell you what to do.
  • Tell people what to do or what needs to be done, and then stand there.
  • Interrupt a senior coworker mid-sentence.
  • Leave suddenly to help a different department without asking permission, or being asked to help said department.
  • If someone’s complaining about a customer who was being awful to them, insist that never happens to you because you’re only ever nice to people. Then smile serenely as if you didn’t just imply that customers are only rude when workers are rude, ergo that your coworker must have been rude.
  • Tell someone an inspector is coming so make sure to do everything extra neatly, then yell at them if it hasn’t been done at the same speed as usual.
  • Despite knowing there’s a shortage of staff, refuse to close shop early, instead just get angry if things aren’t cleaned up on time.


And since I’ve never made a poll here before:

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