Hi guys. Been over a year since I posted at this point.
The past few years have been hard in the fact that I’m not where I wanted to be by the this time in my life. They’ve been easier than when I was in Pennsylvania, thanks to having family and a couple friends around. But still hard.
I see friends getting married and having kids. I see friends traveling the world and I haven’t even been back to Japan in over 5 years. I feel like I’m in quicksand – the more I struggle the deeper I sink — but if I stay still, I’m still stuck. I feel ‘less than’ a lot. I try to cut down social media because that helps, but sometimes I still find myself opening old wounds.
So I’m trying to quit and get healthy. Feel more like me again.
Part of the reason I haven’t updated this blog is I feel like it’s getting further and further away from me. Obviously I’m not the same person I was when I started it. But beyond that, there are some posts I made that still resonate with me, some that feel like they’re experiences of someone I used to know, and some that I don’t connect with at all anymore. I’ve played with deleting some entirely. But part of me wants to preserve this piece of who I once was. I dunno.
But I know I miss writing. I love fiction writing but part of me misses the personal outlet the blog gave me.
So I’m struggling – I don’t even know if it’s worth leaving this blog where it is and starting fresh, or if I should try to keep the audience I once had (if any of you are still on wordpress, that is).
If I keep the same blog, it will be different. I’m not in Japan, and while Japan and Japanese is and probably always will be a part of my life, it’s not the major part it was when I began this blog. Hopefully I’ll get back there sooner rather than later, but I don’t see it happening this year.
What would the new content be? Probably more of a focus on development and learning, because that’s most of what I’m trying to fill my life with right now. Self help in the broadest sense of the term. I find these things to be helping me feel more like a person again, and proud of something I’m working on. So it would probably consist of updates on my hobbies.
- Okinawan sanshin (sometimes referred to as the Okinawan banjo) – started learning it and I am in love.
- Writing my novel / poetry
- Web development / Coding (I went to a bootcamp and am currently searching for a job in the field)
- Some sort of exercise (I’m hoping martial arts or dance but can’t afford it right now – so probably pilates or walking)
- Possibly Japanese / Kanji
There would probably be the occasional life updates like this blog, and maybe some new hobbies will pop up. I certainly wasn’t expecting to learn an instrument two years ago and now I’m learning two, so who knows.
I’m thinking a day per week devoted to an update, even a short one, of my progress in each field (i.e. Sunday – sanshin, Monday – writing, Tuesday – coding).
So you can see why it’d be a different kind of blog. I’m leaning towards starting fresh, but I’m not sure yet. I’m still debating. If anyone is still out there, let me know what you think.